Home Sweet...Where Am I?

So...I'm home for the summer.

Just home. In Michigan. Surrounded by cornfields, Amish people, and lakes.


Home.


There should be a great deal of nostalgic significance behind that word, or behind the fact that I'm here, but for some reason or another, I feel that something is lacking from my "home" experience. I can't quite wrap my head around why, but this past week has not felt like home. I feel as if I've lost home.

(Take a brief, unrelated pause with me while I contemplate the phrase "wrap my head around." Who came up with that? Considering it literally...man, it would be so painful. Anyway...)

There are a good many reasons why this summer will be different from others, potential explanations for my strangely twisted gut. For one thing, neither of my brothers will be filling the nest with me this summer; one of them will be working at a camp in Arizona, the other at a camp in Florida. The flow of our family banter is seriously affected by the loss of even one member, and thus the prospect of missing two of them for several months is a bit sad. This doesn't feel like a complete explanation for my feelings of loss, though.

Can I better explain my feelings? When I took the exit off of I-80 and drove into "my town," I expected to feel the flurry of excitement and comfort that generally greets me upon seeing the familiar street signs and businesses. I expected to want to shout and roll my windows down and take it all in. I expected to be pleased at the sight of home.
My expectations were...not fulfilled.

Instead of comfort I felt an agitated distress. Instead of familiarity I was struck with the impression that those streets and businesses were exactly like the streets and businesses of a thousand other towns. I recognized them, certainly, but they were no longer my own. Sturgis was just another town, it was no longer my town.

Why has this happened? I'm now feeling a bit lost. I want to be home, but I'm not sure where that is or what it consists of. Surely I'm not longing for Virginia...but maybe.

What?